This Saturday morning, Christmas Eve, at 9 AM, snuggle up to the radio (or streaming webcast) in your fuzziest robe and slippers, grab a mug of mulled cider, and listen to me recite this smarketing holiday tale on Mind Your Own Business Radio! Happy Holidays!

'Twas the Night Before Christmas...Smarketing Style

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the office halls

Not a competitor was stirring – no Sales and Marketing brawls

The strategies were planned by the CEO with care,

In hopes that revenue soon would be there; 

The employees were nestled all snug in their roles

While visions of bonuses gladdened their souls

While marketing in her kerchief, the year in a wrap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the Internet there arose such a clatter,

I stopped my blogging to see what was the matter.

Away to Twitter I flew like a flash,

Tore open LinkedIn and checked on my cash.

The moon on the breast of my new Facebook fans

Gave the lustre of prosperity to every woman and man

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature tweet and eight tiny retweets – oh dear!

With a little old driver whose luck always prevails

I knew in a moment it must mean Sales

More rapid than eagles his pipeline it grew

And he whistled and shouted out opportunities too:

"Now, first base! now, second! It’s a one call close!

Now third base and home with a twitch of my nose!

From the top of the pipeline! to the very first call!

Now buy away! Buy away! Just buy it all!"

As dry deals that before a worried prospect fly,

When smarketing meets with an obstacle, then mounts to the sky,

So up to the pipeline the opportunities they flew,

With the sleigh full of deals, and more Sales too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each prospect’s tire-kicking hoof!

As I closed my laptop, and was turning around,

Down through the pipeline, Sales became inbound.

He was dressed all in cash, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of deals smarketing flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his questions how merry!

His words were like roses, his prose like a cherry!

His package deal was drawn up with a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The bottom of his pipeline he held tight in his teeth,

And new customers encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Smarketing let me know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled up the pipeline; though some called him a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the pipeline he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Give smarketing to all, and they'll have a good-night!"