In our noisy world, communication feels more like a lost art than a daily practice. But as Paula White and I recently discussed, it’s not just about speaking or being heard—it’s about truly listening. Listening with intention, curiosity, and empathy is the bridge to trust, growth, and transformation, both in our personal lives and professional spaces.
The Shift From Corporate to Connection
When Paula White left corporate America, she didn’t just walk away from a career—she pivoted toward purpose. After years of leading multi-million-dollar sales teams, she began to ask herself: What was the secret to our success? It wasn’t the sales strategies or the tools; it was something far more personal.
“I realized the secret sauce to leading a successful sales team was listening to understand,” Paula shared. "It wasn’t about checking off a box or repeating back words. It was about connecting through curiosity."
One moment stands out for Paula: leading a team meeting where a usually quiet salesperson spoke up. Instead of rushing to respond, Paula paused, listened, and asked a simple follow-up: “Tell me more.” That salesperson's idea transformed their approach to a major client—and it worked.
This revelation led Paula to explore listening as a mindset, not just a skill. By collaborating with neuroscientists and musicians, she discovered that intentional listening unlocks deeper trust and understanding—on and off the sales floor.
Why We’re Struggling to Hear
We live in a world of endless notifications and nonstop demands for attention. It's ironic: we have more tools for communication than ever before, but people feel less heard.
Paula noted, “If we’re not intentionally blocking out distractions, we’re not truly listening. And without listening, there’s no trust, no relationship, and no growth.”
As I often tell the sales teams I train: If the thoughts in your head are louder than the voice of the person speaking, you’re not listening.
The Bias Trap
One of the biggest blockers to listening, as Paula highlighted, is bias. “We all walk into conversations believing we’re good listeners. But when tested, we often fall short because we’re too focused on our agenda."
Biases and assumptions create a mental barrier, preventing us from genuinely hearing others. Paula shared a practical tip: recognizing our “canned responses” can help us stay present. When you catch yourself defaulting to autopilot, it’s time to pause and reset.
Paula recalls a time when she misunderstood a client’s frustration. “I thought they wanted a faster solution. But when I asked, ‘Help me understand what success looks like to you,’ their answer completely surprised me. They didn’t want fast—they wanted accurate. That one question changed everything.”
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Practical Strategies for Better Listening
Listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about understanding the meaning behind them. Here are some strategies we discussed for becoming a more intentional listener:
- Pause and Reflect
If you lose track of what someone said, don’t hesitate to admit it. Paula encourages saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you repeat it?” This honesty builds trust and ensures clarity.
- Write, Don’t Recite
Instead of parroting back what someone says, jot down key points. At the end of the conversation, recap with phrases like, “Here’s what I understood—does this sound right?” This method feels more thoughtful and less transactional.
- Ask Thoughtful Follow-ups
Curiosity is a listening superpower. Ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more about that?” or “How did that make you feel?” These deepen the dialogue and show you’re invested in understanding.
- Regulate Your Emotions
To stay present, manage your internal chatter. As I often tell my sales teams, when your emotions or racing thoughts take over, you lose the ability to actively listen. Breathing exercises or small pauses can help you recalibrate.
- Be Mindful of the Setting
Paula emphasizes the importance of context. “Different environments require different types of listening. Understanding where you are and what’s needed can help you stay focused and connected.”
Missed the live stream with me and paula? Watch the replay now!
The Role of Curiosity in Empathy
Listening and empathy are intertwined. By staying curious, we open the door to understanding others’ experiences without judgment. Paula’s advice on this struck a chord: “Empathy isn’t a catchphrase—it’s a practice. And it begins with being curious about someone’s story.”
This doesn’t just apply to sales; it’s a life skill. Whether talking to colleagues, family, or strangers, approaching conversations with curiosity transforms them into opportunities for connection.
A Call to Listen
Listening isn’t just a tool—it’s a mindset. It’s the foundation of trust, the heart of empathy, and the spark for meaningful change. But as Paula wisely reminds us, knowing the importance of listening doesn’t mean we’re doing it.
So here’s a challenge: The next time you’re in a conversation—whether with a client, a colleague, or even a family member—ask yourself: Am I truly listening, or just waiting to respond? Try using one of the strategies above and notice the difference it makes.
WE’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!
What’s the biggest challenge you face when it comes to listening? Share your thoughts in the comments or join the conversation on LinkedIn.
Because in this noisy world, being heard is the greatest gift we can give each other.
