Using the right language can help you to get people to open up. But it’s more than just using the right words, it’s staying focused on being authentic and truly caring about the relationship. 

Learn more in this clip featuring Liz Ritzcovan.

Carole Mahoney:
I'm a bit of a science nerd. And so I have found research from Harvard University that actually showed that when we ask clarification questions, which is essentially asking people what they think, and how they think, and how they got there, we all like to talk about what we think. It actually lights up the part of our brains that's associated with pleasure. People like answering these kinds of questions.

And so whenever I hear sellers say, "Well, I feel like I'm interrogating them," or "I feel like I'm asking too many questions," obviously how you're asking them matters. It needs to be a conversation, you need to have empathy and be a human. But at the same time, don't shy away from asking questions because you're afraid that a lot of them are afraid that they're not going to be seen as smart enough. Like, if I have to ask the question, then I don't know, and then they're not going to think that I'm credible, not at all. You just want their opinion.

Liz Ritzcovan:
And I think you find that when you're having that conversation and you are doing it, to your point, in the right way, using the right language, people really do open up. I mean, they want to share things with you. And as I always say to people, the worst thing someone has ever going to say is, 'No, I don't want to tell you that.' And if they don't, ask it a different way, or figure out, maybe... And if they don't, don't be disrespectful, ever. But there's just... People want to share information because they want you to be productive in getting them the right solution to continue to help. And that's what a partnership is.

Carole Mahoney:
Yeah, absolutely. Take those baby steps, ask the small questions to earn the right to ask the bigger, tougher, deeper questions. You don't start off a conversation with, "So what keeps you up at night?" We all hate that question, by the way.

Liz Ritzcovan:
Right. I've been married and with my husband for a very long time. But I would imagine if you went on a date with another person, you would not ask them that.

Carole Mahoney:
Right.

Liz Ritzcovan:
You would get to know each other, it's okay. It's even back to the basics on that, like, "How are you?" And right now, obviously, when we start conversations, we're spending a little bit of time talking about, "How is your family? How is everyone in your world? How are you doing?" And that's okay. But I think it's important to get to know people. And that's that authenticity piece that I think is important to continue to have in the front of your mind.

Carole Mahoney:
Yeah. So no Tinder dating style in sales, just, no.

Liz Ritzcovan:
Not at all. Not at all.

Carole Mahoney:
On that note, let's end there.

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