My parents (and others) have on many occasions accused me of being “too hard” on my two sons. Ironically, in the next breath they say how kind and helpful they are as young adults, that they think for themselves, and lack the complaining and entitled attitudes of many of their friends and peers (for the most part). Hmmm...coincidence?

I was reminded of this yesterday when Peter Caputa published an article that might scare some people away from sales coaching. In it he says; 

“I’m not being sarcastic in an attempt to be funny, nor am I playing devil’s advocate to be devilish. I’m not being dramatic just to get pageviews. The reason I wrote this post in this tone is because effective sales coaching requires you to subject yourself to some tough love from your coach and if you can’t handle it in a blog post, how will you handle it when it’s one-on-one and personal? The language in this post is in your face, just like a good coach will be when you’re not doing it right.”

A client read the post and commented;

“Pete, when I started looking into hiring a sales coaching, I was already doing "good". But I knew that in order to get where I wanted the same things that got me to good, weren't going to get me to great. So I looked for coaches that were saying things that made me uncomfortable, that made me think differently…”

I replied that is exactly why I am such a harda$$. It's a lot like parenting, hate me if you want- but when you go out into the world, you will thrive and the world will be better for it.

Coaching and parenting go hand in glove. In fact, many of the things I learned while working with my sales coach I applied to my parenting and other relationships. As a coach myself now, I see some similarities in how I work with clients and how I raised my kids.

As a sales coach and parent, these are some of the lessons that both share:

It’s not all about you.

Growing up as the oldest of 5, it was often the case that what I wanted was put on hold for someone else. When my kids acted up in stores or restaurants, I was quick to point out to them everyone else around them that was subjected to their tantrum. Many times, even as toddlers, when they realized everyone was staring at them- it was enough to make them chill out. When I work with clients, the most common phrase you will hear me say is: “Who cares what you think or want? It’s about them and their problem, not you, your agenda or quota.”

Think for yourself.

I studied and practiced marketing for many years. I know the tricks and “conversion” techniques to get you to buy into the idea that this next thing is the answer to all your problems. For both my kids and my clients, I tell them to not be the marketers dream. Consider the source of information, the intent and bias behind it, and seek other sources to make your own conclusions. Never take anything at face value. Question how it applies to you, your situation, and your experience.

Make good decisions.

Coaching clients and kids to make informed, but timely decisions is how things move forward. The fine line between analysis paralysis, over thinking and making rash choices is hard. Knowing enough to know what you need to do next, and not have every minute detail planned out is the goal.

Try everything at least once.

Who hasn’t had the kid that didn’t want to eat the yucky squash, or try a new activity? “How do you know you won’t like it if you don’t try it? If you try it and don’t like it, no harm no foul. But don’t miss out because of fear.” For coaching clients, learning new things is the whole point. You won’t know what you don’t know if you don’t try something outside your comfort zone.

Patience is a virtue, not a disease.

Kids and salespeople are always in such a hurry. And that is usually when the mistakes happen. I couldn’t count the number of times my kids would run around looking for their sneakers in a panic only to walk by them 3 times. Just like salespeople who are in a hurry to close miss out on the important details that make them end up losing the deal. Slow down to save time spend running around in circles!

Sacrifice makes you stronger.

Everything worthwhile is hard. For my kids, it was teaching them how to save money for the toy (or car) that they wanted and making sure that they understood that short term sacrifice leads to long term gains. This is also why we won’t take on a coaching client who expects someone else to pay their way, if they won’t make the sacrifice to invest in themselves, why should someone else?

If you want to be wrong, tell it. If you want to learn something, ask it.

With clients and with my kids, we play the questions and periods game. When my kids would get into arguments with friends, or even us- they learned that if instead of telling someone how it is, asking them how they think it is goes a long way to having a conversation. Same with clients- if you want a prospect to push back at you- tell them something as a statement. But if you want to learn what they think is important, ask it as a question.

If it’s not fun, you are doing it wrong.

Kids hate chores. We heat our house with wood, and so the chopping and stacking wasn’t exactly fun for them. Then I discovered how much they loved to do battle with pretend zombies with axes. So the wood pile became a mad fight against the zombies. It was work, but it became fun. With coaching clients who hate the phone, or using social media- making them laugh at themselves, or teaching them how to use off the wall questions makes it fun for them to do the things they dread.

Tough love is still love.

My nana used to say that if you can’t teach your kids to listen to you by the time they are 6, you are in big trouble. If they were going to touch a hot stove, damn right I am going to yell and slap their hands! But it’s done out of love. I care more for their well being than I do if they like me or not. I also used to think that raising kids was done when they were 18 and moved out of the house. Not the case. There are always lessons to be learned. And not just by them, but I learn from them as well. Same with clients. Sometimes I have to tell them what they don't like and they get mad at me. Most of our engagements are between 3-12 months. But the majority of clients still call, email, or stay in touch via social. Like my kids, I want to know what they do next and how their life changes and evolves.

Who is in your corner and willing to be hated for a while so that you can be your best? Is sales coaching right for you, right now?